i’ve realized that i was measuring God’s acceptance of me by
how He provides for me……..and in turn i believed that my obedience resulted in
rewards from Him…….i believed that the good that happened in my life was proof
that I am a child of God……
but that is not truth………
and it was not bringing me freedom…………
you can be set free from chains that bind you, but you still
need to learn the habit of walking in freedom……..when you walk in freedom that’s when you bear the fruits
of freedom………He plants a seed, waters it and it grows………His work, not yours…..
you can receive freedom and still be walking in unbelief in the unlocked areas of your heart…..i find that it’s a process this renewing of your
mind…….it takes time…..and that’s ok……
over the past three months i’ve had an underlying feeling of
detachment……and i couldn’t pinpoint the reason for it………sometimes it can take a
while for me to realize that i have painted myself into a corner by what i
believe……..sometimes it can take some time for my eyes to open up to a new
truth…..and that’s ok too……..
we’ve paid off our credit card debt……He said we owe Him
nothing and i still didn’t get it……even though He was the One to give us the
wisdom, to show us what to do to get rid of it…..i was still believing that if i was obedient, if i did what He said, looked after
what He gave me…….then i would be rewarded and that those rewards were proof that i
am His child………and so when i stretched the money in the bank account to it’s
very limit to make it to the end of the month, when the food in the cupboard
was running out and I wisely planned meals to eat for the last week of the
month……i thought i would be rewarded for my obedience…..for my good
stewardship…….we made it through january without using our credit card……we
pushed through February, celebrating the kid’s birthdays with money i had earned
through work (work He provided) and when the end of march loomed before me i
knew it would be another tight squeeze…… i began to feel despondent…….what was
wrong? why could we not break free from this cycle of (seemingly) never having
enough?
He never leaves you in that corner…….He might just let you
get there though for a reason……..you need to come to the end of yourself, trust
me it’s better that way…..it’s better to have the lies unveiled and the truth
revealed, it’s better to realize that it’s His strength that you can rely on,
and not your own……..yes, you can be wise-but that’s a gift from Him anyway-and
you can manage well what you own-those were His gift’s too if you really admit
the truth…………it is better for Him to come alongside you gently like the Big
Daddy He is………the One who just wants you to come to Him for advice, asking Him
which is the best path? the best decision to make?………..so when i finally turned to Him, ranting and raving like the child i can be sometimes (i’m still
growing in Him, you know?) when i finally dared to ask: why are You not
providing all that i need (want)? He whispered I am……..
this is what you need: you need to realize that it wasn’t
because of your obedience to follow my wisdom that I paid off your debt, provided you
with a new car, gave you extra work……….it was because of His obedience…….it was because He lay
down His life obediently that you never need to prove you are obedient to
Me…….I give to you not because of your love for Me, but because of My
Love for you……..so
stop, stop believing that you need to be obedient to be rewarded by Me…….you
have already received your reward…..He is seated in heaven…….and all that He
is, all that He has is your inheritance……..your crown of glory…….I am your Pappa, come to Me not asking for a yes or no (and
by the way, most of the time you’re expecting a no)………come to Me asking for My
advice, I want to give it to you…….you have dreams, I want you to live them and I
know the best timing for them, I have the best way for them to come
about………come to Me and I will carry your burdens……
i know this:God provides!
we’ve walked through (almost) empty cupboards, empty petrol tanks, money
running low before month end, a broken down car which drained our supplies and
left me without transport for the kids…………and yet we survived because He always
provided what we needed in the right timing………going through all of that, i
heard Him whisper: you will always have enough……..and there always has been……so
I know this time of strengthening has it’s purpose……to break more of those
weaker links in the chain of lies that hold me back from walking in the fullness of Christ…….
this is where i am now:in my Pappa’s arms…..resting,
knowing, believing that i don’t need to prove anything to receive from Him…….and
waiting, patiently (well, sometimes) for Him to reveal more of what i have received in Him………the One who
knows my needs before i have even asked for them and has promised to provide
without any payment from me……….obedience is not a requirement…….it is a
response to His Love poured out to me, because He loved me first and He always
knows what’s best for me………Godliness with contentment is my desire…….
