And then Monday hit! BAM!!! I woke late-feeling tired and very uninspired to do school. (We have been following a gentle school routine this year) Thinking I had no time to start the day in the Word, ignoring His gentle whispers to leave my plans for the day, I climbed out of bed and into a battlefield....and lost every one of the battles my very determined six year old fired at me.
You're lovesick a friend told me.... yes I am.... all I want is to be so fully immersed into His presence like I was on the week-end. And when He whispered: take it slowly, spend time with me, I made the wrong choice. I chose fear: What if they never learn to do their chores without a fuss? What if they always choose to be disrespectful? What if I don't set a school routine in place and they never learn anything?!
Tuesday. A new day. New mercies? Yes.... always, but I didn't hold onto them, instead I gave them away.... we were battling again.....
I needed to get out, away before I turned our home into another battlefield.
And so I walked.... and talked... and cried..... and questioned. I knew I had to return, but I was still too angry, too disappointed. He put His finger upon an old wound. The reason for my fears. Things I haven't let go of, yet. Things I know, only in time, that He will help restore and heal to their fullest purpose.
Turning back I still felt like I wasn't ready to go home.... they are only children and they don't really know what feelings get stirred up inside their complexed mommy's heart.... how could I return if I couldn't face them with arms of love?
Along the roadside I started to notice the aloe and protea bushes were getting their buds. These are the indigenous flowers which bloom in winter. Aloes have a fiery red flower-a beautiful sight on a winter morning. Proteas are hardy flowers: their beauty has grown on me and it brings me great joy to spy their bushes on the mountainside as we drive over to visit family.
As I walked I noticed more aloes and more protea bushes filled with buds. And I felt like the Lord was saying: People usually see Winter as a dormant stage of life, a time when nothing of beauty grows-but look at these flowers you have grown to love and look forward to seeing in winter, they are hardy and filled with colour which always lifts your spirit when you see them. There are times when it seems like you're going through a winter in your life, remember these buds: they are a promise that good will grow from experiences you have.
You are entering a new season now.... don't forget to look at new experiences as buds which can grow into beauty. Give them time.... give yourself time........ to grow and blossom into that fiery beautiful flower which will bring joy to those who see it.