when i married ray he owned a bmw……..although i loved having him drive me around i wasn’t a fancy car person and i wasn’t really keen on driving it…….my thought process at the time was: give me a car which i can feel that i am in control of –when i turned the steering wheel it felt like i knew exactly where it was going to…..so i drove my car and he drove his…….
before mike was born ray traded in his manual bmw for an automatic……..and i still didn’t want to drive it………it was big and if i drove something that was an automatic with power steering i was definitely not going to feel like i was in control of that car!
and then my mazda midge was stolen………and insurance wouldn’t pay out because, well, i couldn’t lie…….i had parked it outside the hairdresser and my porridge brain couldn’t quite remember if i had locked the doors or not…….so the law-abiding christian that i was believed that i had to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God…….mr. insurance man, i really can’t tell you if i locked those doors or not……..i believed i was doing the right thing.....
in the Father’s infinite grace and mercy He provided us with a new car-we couldn’t pay for it though-ray’s father covered the costs…….
i’ll be honest with you, it was not my favourite car, but i was thankful for it……..it was an opel and it felt like it had the heaviest steering-wheel in the history of all cars……when you turned the wheel it felt like you were moving a mountain……..for the first time ever i was not enjoying being in control of my car.........
ray offered for me to drive the bmw and i will admit, that i hesitated……..me, drive an automatic? i’ve never done that before!!!! but i eventually gave in and learnt how to drive an automatic…….and i even discovered that having to drive a car which didn’t need me to change the gears was actually quite a liberating drive………and the best part about an automatic? it’s absolutely awesome to do hill starts in (no hand-break and clutch control needed!!!).....rolling back on those fish hoek hills was not part of my nightmares anymore!
and then God stepped in……..we were doing some building work on our home and the builder offered us cash for the opel…….we hadn’t even mentioned to him about selling it…….ray had been considering buying a motorbike but he hadn’t made a decision yet…….however, we felt it was what we should do……..so we stepped out in faith, believing it was the Lord’s will….we sold the opel, leaving us with only an automatic again.......
so there i was learning to drive an automatic and eventually learning to love it!!! (shhhh, don’t tell ray ok?!)
fast forward a few years, the bmw was starting to give us lots of trouble……the air conditioner broke, the radio wasn’t working, the electronics of the car was starting to give up…….and then about a year ago ray was driving home from fellowship and the differential housing fell apart, literally leaving the nuts and bolts of the car lying in the road like in one of those old cartoons where you see the car falling apart and the nuts and bolts go flying everywhere………we were unable to drive the car……at that time fixing the car would cost us less than buying a new one………we were heavily in debt already and couldn’t possibly see our way to purchasing a new car………at that point in time we were on a very new learning curve of how our Father wants to provide for us, although we weren’t ready to go forward in faith to buy a new car, what i did feel was peace about the fact that i didn’t need to worry about how i would get the kids to school on Monday, or the following week for that matter-i had felt the Lord say that that would be taken care of, and it was! He led us gently by the hand…….baby steps ;-)
over the past two years, through His gentle guidance, Our Father has led us to get rid of the debt we were in (i hope to share that story with you one day)……..but we thought we were still in no position to purchase a new car………but God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, His ways are not our ways as today i can joyfully shout to the world: our God provides way beyond my dreams!!! we have a new car! and it’s not an automatic, but it's pretty fancy!……a car which suits me perfectly for this new season i am entering into: i have learnt that to be in absolute control of my life, living by laws and not by grace does not bring freedom……in fact it leads to enslavement to proving that i am worthy by what i do and not because of what, or rather who, i believe in……..i have learnt that His Spirit is within me, automatically leading me, even when the world around me is encouraging me to drive through life at top speed trying to get to a destination of accomplishment i can rest in knowing that He is in control……….and now? now i feel like He is saying: you know I AM within you, you know that you are in Me, all the power you need to live this life in peace, joy and love is within you……..we are one, in unity: you are free to be you, where you move I move, when I move you move……..in Him we live and move and have our being………..i'm even learning that those hill starts when i have to use the hand break are not so bad after all-with Him in me i can overcome mountains and this is the time for learning how!!!