obedience is not a requirement…………it’s a response….

i’ve realized that i was measuring God’s acceptance of me by how He provides for me……..and in turn i believed that my obedience resulted in rewards from Him…….i believed that the good that happened in my life was proof that I am a child of God……

but that is not truth………

and it was not bringing me freedom…………

you can be set free from chains that bind you, but you still need to learn the habit of walking in freedom……..when you walk in freedom that’s when you bear the fruits of freedom………He plants a seed, waters it and it grows………His work, not yours…..

you can receive freedom and still be walking in unbelief in the unlocked areas of your heart…..i find that it’s a process this renewing of your mind…….it takes time…..and that’s ok……

over the past three months i’ve had an underlying feeling of detachment……and i couldn’t pinpoint the reason for it………sometimes it can take a while for me to realize that i have painted myself into a corner by what i believe……..sometimes it can take some time for my eyes to open up to a new truth…..and that’s ok too……..

we’ve paid off our credit card debt……He said we owe Him nothing and i still didn’t get it……even though He was the One to give us the wisdom, to show us what to do to get rid of it…..i was still believing that if i was obedient, if i did what He said, looked after what He gave me…….then i would be rewarded and that those rewards were proof that i am His child………and so when i stretched the money in the bank account to it’s very limit to make it to the end of the month, when the food in the cupboard was running out and I wisely planned meals to eat for the last week of the month……i thought i would be rewarded for my obedience…..for my good stewardship…….we made it through january without using our credit card……we pushed through February, celebrating the kid’s birthdays with money i had earned through work (work He provided) and when the end of march loomed before me i knew it would be another tight squeeze…… i began to feel despondent…….what was wrong? why could we not break free from this cycle of (seemingly) never having enough?

He never leaves you in that corner…….He might just let you get there though for a reason……..you need to come to the end of yourself, trust me it’s better that way…..it’s better to have the lies unveiled and the truth revealed, it’s better to realize that it’s His strength that you can rely on, and not your own……..yes, you can be wise-but that’s a gift from Him anyway-and you can manage well what you own-those were His gift’s too if you really admit the truth…………it is better for Him to come alongside you gently like the Big Daddy He is………the One who just wants you to come to Him for advice, asking Him which is the best path? the best decision to make?………..so when i finally turned to Him, ranting and raving like the child i can be sometimes (i’m still growing in Him, you know?) when i finally dared to ask: why are You not providing all that i need (want)? He whispered I am……..

this is what you need: you need to realize that it wasn’t because of your obedience to follow my wisdom that I paid off your debt, provided you with a new car, gave you extra work……….it was because of His obedience…….it was because He lay down His life obediently that you never need to prove you are obedient to Me…….I give to you not because of your love for Me, but because of My Love for you……..so stop, stop believing that you need to be obedient to be rewarded by Me…….you have already received your reward…..He is seated in heaven…….and all that He is, all that He has is your inheritance……..your crown of glory…….I am your Pappa, come to Me not asking for a yes or no (and by the way, most of the time you’re expecting a no)………come to Me asking for My advice, I want to give it to you…….you have dreams, I want you to live them and I know the best timing for them, I have the best way for them to come about………come to Me and I will carry your burdens……

i know this:God provides!  we’ve walked through (almost) empty cupboards, empty petrol tanks, money running low before month end, a broken down car which drained our supplies and left me without transport for the kids…………and yet we survived because He always provided what we needed in the right timing………going through all of that, i heard Him whisper: you will always have enough……..and there always has been……so I know this time of strengthening has it’s purpose……to break more of those weaker links in the chain of lies that hold me back from walking in the fullness of Christ…….

this is where i am now:in my Pappa’s arms…..resting, knowing, believing that i don’t need to prove anything to receive from Him…….and waiting, patiently (well, sometimes) for Him to reveal more of what i have received in Him………the One who knows my needs before i have even asked for them and has promised to provide without any payment from me……….obedience is not a requirement…….it is a response to His Love poured out to me, because He loved me first and He always knows what’s best for me………Godliness with contentment is my desire…….