i thought i'd continue with our change from homeschooling to schooling story....
journal entry: scared to go to s.v.p.s. and ask for fees and application forms-rejection? i told you so?? not hearing and then i have egg on my face?? help Lord, I need your guidance-clearly
Mark 4: the storm-have faith in Jesus
i stood in the foyer of the school during mike's gymnastics lesson......trying to pluck up the courage to ask for forms.....i was hiding......i had just seen the principal walking towards me outside and i had literally run so that he wouldn't have a chance to stop and say hello, to chat, to ask questions.......so now i hid in the corner of the foyer.......wrestling with my thoughts again,
i have to ask for them i thought, i had told ray I would, can't go back on my word......have to do what i said...
so i eventually submitted to honoring my husband-knowing that he would expect me to do as we had discussed......
the woman at reception knew we were home schoolers....so when i approached and stammered: i need to ask for application forms.....she smiled cheerily and said oh i thought you were home schooling....um, yes, we are, but i have to do this....oh ok, you know you could ask at the rock academy too, they have smaller classes......i know, but, um, that's not what we want.....well we feel that this is where we are supposed to apply, we think it is what the Lord wants........are they still having interviews? i think the last one is next week......
journal entry: Numbers 22 Balaam and his donkey-didn't do what God had told him. The angel stopped his donkey until God made the donkey speak. Then Balaam saw the angel and he realised he was wrong. So he says:vs 11 The word that God puts in my mouth, that shall I speak."
That is how I want to live Lord. Doing what You say when You say it!
Numbers 23 vs 12... Must I not be obedient and speak what the Lord has put in my mouth?
vs 26 "Did I not say to you, All the Lord speaks, that I must do?"
journal entry: Put application forms in yesterday. Have to wait to be invited. No pre-school report-very little points-and who knows if the person who processes the papers will even know that I taught there. So it's in God's hands now. Told Jen yesterday-at first she was tearful-and by the end of the day she was excited. Prayed with Ray again. He read Proverbs 16-the verses which have been rolling around in my head for a while.........wait, rest, trust......accept whatever happens.
the date for the last interview came.......and went......we didn't receive an invitation to attend and i thought: ok, so i heard wrong.......well, that's ok we'll just carry on as before.......but deep within i knew this wasn't over......
almost a week later i sat at the breakfast table in the morning when jen arrived for breakfast......
journal entry: Jenna had a dream about school. She says the Lord spoke to her and told her she would be going to school.
wow, You really want this to happen........
i won't lie to you, although i felt certain that the Lord was guiding us down a new path, i struggled to let go.......holding on to a way of life was easier,
the phone rang later that week: hello? hi, it's allison from s.v.p.s we are having the last interview for a few stragglers who applied late, are you still interested in your child attending? my first thought was: i could say no and this would be the end of it all.....Ray would never know that they phoned........who am i kidding? i can't lie to him.........uh, ok, i said, we will attend.....
i was sick that day, didn't feel much like talking, so we sat with the other parents listening while our precious little girl sat with the children drawing pictures.......we did the tour, walked through the passages........are we seriously doing this? am i really coming back here? walking up the stairs to leave she reached for my hand and said: i like it here mom, i want to come, it's going to be ok, i know i will make friends.......my heart was in turmoil, but i had to smile at this brave little girl, had to be strong, had to say: yes, i know you will........
journal entry: scared to go to s.v.p.s. and ask for fees and application forms-rejection? i told you so?? not hearing and then i have egg on my face?? help Lord, I need your guidance-clearly
Mark 4: the storm-have faith in Jesus
i stood in the foyer of the school during mike's gymnastics lesson......trying to pluck up the courage to ask for forms.....i was hiding......i had just seen the principal walking towards me outside and i had literally run so that he wouldn't have a chance to stop and say hello, to chat, to ask questions.......so now i hid in the corner of the foyer.......wrestling with my thoughts again,
i have to ask for them i thought, i had told ray I would, can't go back on my word......have to do what i said...
so i eventually submitted to honoring my husband-knowing that he would expect me to do as we had discussed......
the woman at reception knew we were home schoolers....so when i approached and stammered: i need to ask for application forms.....she smiled cheerily and said oh i thought you were home schooling....um, yes, we are, but i have to do this....oh ok, you know you could ask at the rock academy too, they have smaller classes......i know, but, um, that's not what we want.....well we feel that this is where we are supposed to apply, we think it is what the Lord wants........are they still having interviews? i think the last one is next week......
journal entry: Numbers 22 Balaam and his donkey-didn't do what God had told him. The angel stopped his donkey until God made the donkey speak. Then Balaam saw the angel and he realised he was wrong. So he says:vs 11 The word that God puts in my mouth, that shall I speak."
That is how I want to live Lord. Doing what You say when You say it!
Numbers 23 vs 12... Must I not be obedient and speak what the Lord has put in my mouth?
vs 26 "Did I not say to you, All the Lord speaks, that I must do?"
journal entry: Put application forms in yesterday. Have to wait to be invited. No pre-school report-very little points-and who knows if the person who processes the papers will even know that I taught there. So it's in God's hands now. Told Jen yesterday-at first she was tearful-and by the end of the day she was excited. Prayed with Ray again. He read Proverbs 16-the verses which have been rolling around in my head for a while.........wait, rest, trust......accept whatever happens.
the date for the last interview came.......and went......we didn't receive an invitation to attend and i thought: ok, so i heard wrong.......well, that's ok we'll just carry on as before.......but deep within i knew this wasn't over......
almost a week later i sat at the breakfast table in the morning when jen arrived for breakfast......
journal entry: Jenna had a dream about school. She says the Lord spoke to her and told her she would be going to school.
wow, You really want this to happen........
i won't lie to you, although i felt certain that the Lord was guiding us down a new path, i struggled to let go.......holding on to a way of life was easier,
the phone rang later that week: hello? hi, it's allison from s.v.p.s we are having the last interview for a few stragglers who applied late, are you still interested in your child attending? my first thought was: i could say no and this would be the end of it all.....Ray would never know that they phoned........who am i kidding? i can't lie to him.........uh, ok, i said, we will attend.....
i was sick that day, didn't feel much like talking, so we sat with the other parents listening while our precious little girl sat with the children drawing pictures.......we did the tour, walked through the passages........are we seriously doing this? am i really coming back here? walking up the stairs to leave she reached for my hand and said: i like it here mom, i want to come, it's going to be ok, i know i will make friends.......my heart was in turmoil, but i had to smile at this brave little girl, had to be strong, had to say: yes, i know you will........
after that time we started to slowly let people know what we were going to do.......a few whom i thought would support us, would understand we were following the Lord's guidance.......ray's folks found out quite by accident, jen let it slip, their reaction made me angry........why couldn't they have been that supportive of homeschooling?
i struggled with depression for a while.......was i not good enough to homeschool Lord? did you think i couldn't do it?
journal entry: Ray searched the word on Saturday night about being depressed.......when you have a major spiritual breakthrough you can often enter into depression after being on the high of 'being' with God-He read about Elijah and the prophets of Baal. I felt an immediate lift and relief.......at fellowship we shared with friends and they said he'd been going through the same thing!!! (over something the Lord had been leading him to do)
Deut 31 vs 8 It is the Lord who goes before you; He will [march] with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; [let there be no cowardice or flinching, but] fear not, neither become broken [in spirit] ( depressed, dismayed and unnerved with alarm)
slowly my Father ministered to me........showing me where my heart had been.......and where He was leading me to....
Deut 7 vs 6 For you are a holy and set apart people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a special people to Himself out of all the people on the face of this earth.
journal entry: what has God called you to do to set you apart? Being set apart doesn't mean you take on a "doctrine" of a certain group, rather it means you follow God's voice for setting you apart-His exact instructions to you which will bring glory to God because of how your life reflects His way.
but it takes time to renew your mind (i still battle at times we i'm comparing, thankfully it's getting less)……it has taken time for Him to renew, to show me what i had put my faith in........and not whom i had put my faith in.......i had a dream in which the Lord revealed to me how I had placed my faith in home schooling to create the perfect environment for my children to grow up in.......they were perfect on the outside...but not within, where it really counts.......
during the next four months He gently whispered to me…….showing me how much He loved me, wanted to bless me……..wanted to renew my mind…..in our home i saw more freedom growing in our lives……..i could see how my husband was more relaxed………but that didn't stop me from feeling angry on the days i felt weak, feeling like i was the one having to give up, the one who had to change……and still He continued to whisper His love…….
i had days, no, weeks when i grappled with the decision again…….even sat and chose a curriculum, planned a school room……..told my little girl her mommy was feeling like it would be best to home school but i was still deciding……..it's ok mom, whatever you want to do i am fine with that…….
we spent the day with family after the new year and an aunt asked jen if she was excited to be going to school…….innocently she looked over at me and said: am i home schooling mommy?….. granny was not happy to hear that and while i was inside she interrogated my poor husband, who dutifully defended my latest decision………i was angry again: why can't they just believe in me?……..and He unlocked another key, pride………i'm just going to do it and prove them all wrong!
and so i tried to convince Ray again.......comparing........with my wisdom and not the Lord's ........ causing him to toss on the waves of doubt.......the tossing to and fro was making my little girl anxious, her boldness was slowly dying.........
we went away on our family camping trip knowing a decision needed to be made, when we returned school would start in two days..........
we tried to relax, enjoy time together as a family away from home....... away from reality.......i kept on asking ray how he felt, wanting him to make the decision...... not wanting to be the one who had to submit.......
ray had a beautiful dream while we were away.......a promise of a beautiful year ahead.......falling in love with His Saviour, our Provider........and i knew then that it would be ok, that He would provide all the strength i needed to walk this new path........i was at peace again,
we returned home to buy jen her school uniform........and to start our roller coaster first year at school......trusting that the only Rock we should build our home on is Jesus........the only path we should follow is His....not putting our faith in a way of life but rather in the way to life.......
